Today is mine and my husband’s four year anniversary! We sure have been through a lot together in just four short years. From mountain tops to valleys, and everything in between.
We’ve been on a crazy roller coaster ride ever since we found out that I was pregnant with our firstborn son, Aaron, six months into our marriage. Then, about a month and a half later, we found out that our son was no longer alive inside of me (you can read about that story here: Part 1, 2 & 3). We instantly, and unwillingly, boarded the Roller coaster of Grief and have never been able to exit the ride since.
Even though four years isn’t really that long of a time to be married in comparison to a lot of couples that I know, I've stored away some (hopefully!) useful information that I've learned along the way that I'd love to share with you all today.
---
Spend Time Together - Just The Two Of You
Someone recently asked me if I had any advice for newlyweds, and my immediate answer was to treasure the time that you have just being “the two of you” before the kiddos come. Adam and I had six months to ourselves as just the two of us, and it was great! We could go get ice cream any time we wanted, or we could go on short trips and not have to worry about childcare. It was so lovely, spontaneous, and fun. Do I wish we had more time together before our kiddos came? Yes, but I wouldn’t change anything now. Throughout the grief and joy, our life together truly has been blessed by God is so many ways.
Find Cheap, Fun Ways To Spend Quality Time Together
If anyone knows my husband, they know that he is the King of Frugality. He loves a good deal, which is great because I do, too. Some of the things we’ve done for dates when money has been tight include, but are not limited to: ordering food off of the Wendy’s value menu and then going to see a movie at the $2 theatre, make dinner at home and have a “picnic” in the living room (this is especially good for blustery Fall and Winter days), use gift cards that you have received to go on dates (e.g. a date to the movies, a date to get some froyo, etc). One thing that my parents would do for fun was drive down to the water (in our case, the Puget Sound) and read their Bibles together. This didn’t necessarily start out as being a date, but rather spending quality time together. There’s something very peaceful and energizing about sitting besides calm water while reading God’s promises.
Know Each Other’s Love Languages
I am a huge fan of knowing your spouse’s love language. And not just theirs, but also your kids’ and close friends love languages, too! For those unfamiliar with the concept of showing love through knowing other people’s love languages, it’s basically knowing how the “language” in which your spouse feels the most love, appreciation, and acceptance from you (read more about it here). While we’re not perfect at always showing one another love through our respective love language (mine is Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch, While Adam’s is Acts of Service and Quality Time), I really do try to show Adam that I love him in ways that I know HE feels loved.
Pray For Your Spouse
There have been many, many times when I have felt at a loss about what I can say to my husband to help encourage him, or even to help calm a disagreement down. That’s when I turn to prayer. I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve been at a standstill- I’m so confused, emotional, and baffled- and I’ll pray and ask God for wisdom. He has come through for me every single time. Either with changing mine, or Adam’s, heart or just bringing peace and understanding into the whole situation. I’m talking situations where we were completely and utterly confused and frustrated with each other. God’s amazing clarity and peace that He has given us is something that neither Adam or I could make happen, no matter how hard we tried.
Keep Your Sass In Your Mouth!
Okay, so … I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best at keeping my mouth shut when I feel like an opinion (MINE) needs to be shared! One day, however, this saying just popped into my head, “If you’re going to say something sassy back to your husband, DON’T. Just do it and see what happens.” So I tried it, and guess what? There was no argument! Did it hurt biting my tongue and swallowing my pride? OF COURSE. But was it worth not hurting my husband and our relationship? Absolutely. I’m by no means perfect at doing this all the time, but when I hear that little voice in my head telling me to keep my mouth shut, I do.
---
What board game do you hate the most?
ADAM: Risk
STACY: Monopoly
If you could meet anyone ever, in history or present, who would it be?
A: Jesus
S: Kevin Max!
Describe yourself in 3 words:
A: Bang-a-rang Rufio (oh brother)
S: Funny, Caring, Compassionate
What's the funniest movie you've ever watched?
A: Dumb & Dumber
S: The Emperor's New Groove ("I've never liked your spinach puffs! NEVER!")
What is something you're grateful to your parents for teaching you about?
A: Discipline
S: Jesus
Where would you go on your dream vacation?
A: That Bahamas place, where you can see your feet in the water (What?! Haha!)
S: New Zealand, obviously (LOTR tour, baby!)
What is something I do that always makes you laugh?
A: When you quote School of Rock or Nacho Libre quotes
S: When you play and have fun with Seth
---
It's been a wild ride so far, my love, but I don't break any promises or covenants that I've made- no matter what life may throw at me. I will love you for the rest of my life.
Photography by: Mle Jayne Photography