I recently had the honor of attending a memorial service for an amazing man who served in the local law enforcement department in the city that I grew up in. I knew him through my job at Starbucks where I would serve him coffee at least twice a day. It’s truly a tragedy that he’s gone from this Earth so soon, as he was only in his 40s.
I was vacillating between whether or not to attend this service. I haven’t been to a memorial service since my son, Aaron’s, two and a half years ago and I wasn’t itching to attend one any time soon. After much thought, I decided that I wanted to pay him my respects and show honor where it was due. And, who knows, I thought to myself, maybe this service could be a time of healing for me, too.
When I arrived at the church with some of my coworkers, we only had to wait a few minutes for the family to arrive before we were allowed into the building. Once inside, I decided to take a good look around me and observe some of the people. There were men and women from all areas of law enforcement departments. Most of them were from our city, and some even came from cities that were 20-30 minutes away. Not only that, but there were city employees that don’t even work in law enforcement that showed up to attend the memorial. As I looked around at this diverse group of people, it was astonishing to me how one person’s life can have an effect on so many other people.
Another thing that really got me thinking while I was waiting for the service to start was how strange it is when Americans grieve. Here we are, all gathered together to mourn the loss of our fallen friend, and all we really do is make each other feel better through laughs, sentiments, and kind smiles. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not, by any means, trying to be disrespectful of this tragic situation. I just find it odd that all of us are feeling the same emotions (sadness, grief, sorrow, etc), yet we all try to push these emotions aside to make everyone around us feel better, while they’re trying to do the exact same thing for us. Maybe it’s like a survival mechanism that we do this. You see a friend in need of emotional support and you want to help them, so you push your emotions aside to help support them with their emotions. It’s kind of odd when it’s pointed out, but it just seems like the “normal” and “right” thing to do. I know I’m guilty of doing it, too.
I’m speaking from personal experience when I say that I truly do appreciate the friends who were there to make me laugh and smile in my deep time of grief. They have a real gift. There were days when I would be having a very rocky, emotional day and would be asked by those particular friends if they could do anything to help me. I would tell them that I just needed to laugh that day, to make my day go by faster and to make it more enjoyable. Did the pain still linger? Of course, but the load was lightened a bit by being able to sincerely laugh with my friends.
On the flip side of that coin, the friends who were there for me through all the sobs, tears, all of the heart-wrenching pain, the ones who offered to help me in any way and followed through: those moments that we shared are the ones that I really cherish in my heart.
I pray for the family that lost their husband, father, brother, and all of his friends who are continuing to mourn his loss: that they would have a strong support system around them that would continue to encourage them as they try to navigate through this dark time of grief. I pray that they would be surrounded by God’s peace constantly and that it would comfort their hearts. That they would allow themselves to grieve- as awful as it feels- because that’s the one way that you will start to heal.
To our fallen detective: you are greatly missed, and you are greatly loved. Thank you so much for your service.