As I've been writing this blog, I’ve realized that I’m the one that really needs to hear everything I’m about to say. Maybe I just need to post this to remind myself yet again of the truth; but if anyone else that is reading this takes something away afterwards, then praise God! It’s easy to say that we need to do certain things’ to improve the quality of our lives, but to actually do them and follow through with them is a different story. I’m really trying my best to do the following things in my everyday life, and not just write them down as good ideas for everyone else to do. I hope you enjoy what you're about to read and I'd love to invite you to join me on this journey.
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A couple of months ago, my sweet baby boy was sick. He was 14 months old at the time and had only been sick one other time previously. That previous sickness was mere child’s play compared to the second time around. We had a week solid of whining, two and a half days of a fever over 101*, hardly any appetite, congestion, boogies, and snot for daaaays. Not only was I upchucked on more than once, but one day I went around wearing baby snot all over the corner of my sweatshirt without even realizing it (thanks mom for pointing it out- you're the real MVP). If I could have taken the sickness away from my baby, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat. It’s so sad having to watch your loved ones, especially your baby, go through something that you can’t immediately fix. After a few days of Baby Vicks slathered on baby’s chest and a humidifier running at every nap and bedtime, he started to feel more like himself. Such a relief to my mama’s heart!
In the middle of taking care of my sick baby, I found myself starting to get really irritated. At myself, at my baby, at anything, really. I'm suspecting that it stemmed from the daily lack of sleep, but it also very well could have to do with the fact that, as a person, I’m kind of selfish. There, I said it. I'M SELFISH, WORLD! Sometimes I let my baby cry in his room while I finish up my delicious lunch, and sometimes I buy chocolate and don't tell my husband about it because I need my emergency chocolate stash to always stay stocked up, okay! Surely I can't be the only one that does selfish things. (This isn’t a new revelation, people; we just all hate admitting to it.)
Being a parent has really opened my eyes to see how much of a self-centered human being I am. As a mom, I'm trying on a daily basis to do my best to think of and serve my baby before myself, and as a wife, it's my goal to do the same for my husband.
I’m so thankful for God’s grace on the days where I just can’t seem to gather enough patience or gentleness or love for those around me, because He steps in and gives me what I’m lacking, and in an abundance.
While Seth was sick, I’ll admit that I was silently wallowing in a selfish stupor, and I knew something had to change because I was feeling emotionally miserable. I began to think of some things that I had done recently or in the past that has made me feel content and peaceful and had helped change my attitude (the real problem here) in the midst of chaos:
1. Prayer & Bible Devotions
Now, I’m not perfect (as you’ve probably gathered from the previous paragraph), but I’ve noticed that the days that I don’t spend intentional time reading my Bible, I feel very irritated and emotionally lopsided. Yet, on the days that I set aside time- even 20 minutes- to read my Bible, journal (this is an especially helpful tool for me) and pray, I have such peace and much more grace to give out to those in my life. Even if you get a devotional app (I like this one), it's a great starting place. It doesn’t take more than five minutes to read a daily devotional, which is great, especially for us busy moms! I’m in no way a morning person, but the days that I’ve purposely woken up just 30 minutes before anyone else in my house and sat down with my breakfast, coffee, and Bible, have been the most fulfilling and rewarding.
2. Reach Out To Others For Prayer
I’m a firm believer in the power of prayer. It changes things, and I’ve seen miracles happen! This verse comes to mind when I think about why we should pray: “And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for” (1 John 5:15, NLT). This isn’t just to be taken as “God will give me every single thing that I selfishly ask for”, but rather that God DOES hear us when we pray and talk to Him. When I’m feeling down, anxious, depressed, or nervous, I try to first pray to God before I send a text to my a couple of my closest friends asking for prayer. I think there's a lot of good things to be said about a person who talks to God before they talk to their friends or family.
3. REST (and bonus: drink some coffee)
I’m actually doing this at this exact moment. Gotta practice what you preach, right? Right. Believer it or not, this is actually really difficult for me to do (the resting part, not the drinking coffee part). I’m always doing something, and usually multitasking while doing it (Shout out to the 'Bux for teaching me how to multi-task excellently and efficiently!). My house is currently in disarray, the kitchen needs to be tidied up, and there are baby toys and clothes everywhere. But what am I currently doing? Sitting my on couch, watching Property Brothers, and drinking coffee. I haven’t had time to myself like this for a long while (going to the grocery store sans baby does not count as quality alone time!). So, for now, those tiny toys will just have to wait. Sorry not sorry.
4. Don’t Forget God’s Promises!
When my mind starts be filled by with anxiety, fear, doubt, and lies, I start to get the clue that something’s not right. I've had moments where anxiety has crept up on me without my realizing it and all I can think of is the absolute worst possible scenario of anything and everything. Not to brag, but I’ve come up with some pretty great (ridiculous) worst-case scenarios of a gang of robbers breaking in my to my house in the middle of the night, sneaking into my bedroom, and me having to be the hero and ward them off with my bedside lamp. It's all so dramatic! But, I digress. There have been a few times that really stick out in my memory when I’ve been trying to go to sleep at night, and fear has tried to completely suffocate me. That's what it really felt like. Psalm 23 was what popped into my mind just as I couldn't take the anxiety anymore and I just repeated verses 2 and 3 ("He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul [...]") out loud over and over until I believed it. There’s something about saying God's promises out loud that really makes the them even more true.
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These are just some of the things that have really helped me stay rooted in what I believe and what I know to be true; like a tree whose roots go down deep into the Earth. The more the storm blows the tree’s branches on top, the deeper down the roots need to go to support the tree. In the midst of the storms in my life, I’m thankful that I dug my roots down deep many times beforehand so that I could weather the current squall that life was sending me.