Well, my idea of natural induction via pineapple and raspberries didn’t work to get Seth out. I had a 41 week OB appointment on Wednesday, November 18th to talk about induction via my doctor. I was 100% adamant that I was not going to do be artificially induced with the use of Pitocin, which is what was used for starting labor with Aaron and I absolutely hated it. I didn’t want anything with Seth’s labor and delivery to even remotely resemble that of Aaron’s, which was truly traumatizing to me. My doctor and I had agreed upon my going into the hospital on Friday, November 20th if labor hadn’t started by then, and I was put on a waiting list to get in. My best friend Jen spent the night at my house on Thursday in preparation of The Big Day. We watched "Inside Out" and sobbed our little hearts out because it is such a great movie. Also, immense pregnancy hormones had a pretty big part to play on my end. Friday came and we waited for the hospital to call to say that they were ready for us to arrive. No call came.
Early Saturday morning, around 7 AM, The Call came from the hospital saying that they were ready for me. Ah! The big day that I had waited over 9 months for! I quickly called close family members, letting them know that this was the real deal. We packed up out things and headed South for the hospital.
How different this was from last time I was about to give birth. With Aaron’s birth, I was put on a low dosage of some medication for a couple of days to help labor progress. We had held a solemn breakfast with family members and my best friend at our apartment the morning before journeying to the hospital. Back then, I had also received a call from the hospital to let us know that they had a room open for me. I had scrambled around my bedroom, asking my sister-in-law what she had packed in her hospital bag, because I had no idea about what to do about anything in that moment. We decided to pack some essentials, my laptop with movies, and a nice photo frame that included a goofy picture of Adam and I and my family was what would be going with me to the hospital. Jen noted that the pictures would help make me happy when I looked at it.
As I look back to two years ago and the few days leading up to Seth’s actual birth day, I am really proud of myself for being so brave. Brave in that I stood my ground when it came to wanting a natural induction (meaning no medicine to help progress labor), when I was never in a place with Aaron for that to even be an option. Every day that went by after Seth’s due date had me nervous with anxiety, and every day I didn’t know if something would happen to Seth while he was still inside me. With the help of my friend and doula, Christy, I was made aware that I actually had rights with how I wanted to give birth. Who knew?! I just thought birth had to happen with you lying down on your back on a hospital bed and you have to push when the doctors tell you to- like in the movies; or that birth happened through a C-Section, or that birth happened with the help of a crunchy, granola midwife with exceptionally frizzy hair and odd-looking spectacles - and that option I really had no clue about. After meeting a couple of times with Christy, we came up with the perfect birth plan for me and she even took it one step further and made a beautiful design out of it - oh my heart! Christy met us at the hospital that sunny Saturday morning, and, after all of the preliminaries were taken care of, she and Adam became my Hall Walking Partners for the next several hours throughout the labor ward of the hospital.
How can I best describe what it feels like to walk up and down the halls of the hospital at basically 42 weeks pregnant? Picture a full gallon of milk strapped to and protruding from your stomach, but the baby inside is actually the size of a small watermelon, and you literally feel like the size of a whale. Now picture yourself having to waddle down the fluorescent lit halls of the sterile hospital with all of this going on and NOTHING is happening. Labor is not progressing as quickly as I had hoped. I can’t remember how long we walked the halls, but it must have been a couple of hours before contractions started becoming more apparent. Once, as we walked by the nurses’ station, Christy pointed out on the different illuminated screens the different types of contractions that were happening in some of the different rooms around us. I remember her showing me the contractions that looked like very obvious hills and valleys. She said that woman was going to have a baby soon, and that my contractions would get there soon enough. Another time, as we were still walking through the halls, and I was walking through an awkward contraction, we walked over to the door that goes out to the waiting room where my family was. My aunt came over to the door and we started talking, and my contraction pain started to ease up. As soon as we had finished talking with my aunt and went back to walking, the contraction picked up right where it had left off (pain wise), even though we had been talking for about five minutes! The human body is an incredible thing.
I finally became tired of walking and decided I was going to labor in bed. I was hooked back up to the monitors in my room, which I didn’t have with Aaron, so that was weird for me to have to labor with and around all of these wires and screens. I can’t remember how long I labored in bed, but it was so painful on my hips, that I asked if I could labor in the tub in my room instead. In order for me to labor wirelessly outside of the bed, a nurse had to stick a little monitor on the top of Seth’s little head. Oh my heavens, I cannot even describe the pain that quick procedure brought me. It was almost equal to that of hard labor. Thank goodness she got it on the first try, and I was able to walk freely and labor where I wanted. I labored in the tub for what had to be at least an hour and a half, and the weightlessness of the water was such a relief for my hips. Now I really understand why women give birth in tubs!
I can’t remember why I had to get out of the tub (aka Hospital Heaven), but it was such a bummer. Up until this point, I had not taken any pain medicine of any kind. Having an all-natural birth had always been my number one goal with Seth, but I was reasonable enough to make a Plan B that involved an epidural. The pain of a completely natural birth is EXCRUCIATING, and I will not exaggerate or lie to you about that. It was the worst physical pain that I have ever gone through in my entire life. So anything at the hospital that offered relief from what felt like my body simultaneously imploding and ripping itself apart, I was willing to try. I ended up laboring on the porcelain toilet, per Christy’s suggestion, for probably a couple of hours. Gather ‘round, girls: if you’re planning on having a natural birth (I sincerely hope this post doesn’t scare you away from it!), MAKE SURE THAT YOUR ROOM HAS A PORCELAIN TOILET. Never in my life have I been more happy to sit on a toilet for hours upon end.
As contractions became more regular and equally unbearable, I felt like I went into a dream-like state. I was fully aware that I was in labor, but I had tuned everyone and everything else completely off to listen to my body and what it was saying. I did hear Christy and Adam when they would talk to me, but I couldn’t remember anything that they said. I must’ve been sitting on the toilet for a good two hours. As my labor progressed even farther upon the porcelain throne, and I grunted and moaned my way through the contractions, I don’t remember too much other than me telling Adam (but it more like mumbling because I had nearly forgotten how to talk by this point), “Twooo” (as I held up two fingers), “I onlyyy waaant twooo kiiidddss”, meaning, “Dear God, if I have to do this again, have precious, sweet mercy upon me.” Shortly after this, I announced, "I think .... I want ... an epidural now ..... ", but when my doula informed me that an epidural would prolong labor at least another 6 hours, I thought to myself, “I don't want to wait any longer. Let’s get this baby out NOW.”
It’s truly amazing what you can will your body to do when your mind is totally, 100% in the game. Not that I willed my body to go into labor, but I think having in my mind that I WAS going to continue to go through this labor unmedicated because I was determined to have my baby outside of my womb made such a huge difference from that point forward.
I remember feeling a strong urge to push very shortly after I decided to not move forward with the epidural. How I made it to the bed is still a painful blur, but I remember my doctor coming in at this point. The same doctor who had delivered Aaron was now about to deliver Seth just over a year later. Talk about coming full circle. I don’t remember how many pushes it took for Seth to come out, maybe 4?, but as exhausted as I was, it felt like a rush of adrenaline kicked in when I knew I was going to be holding my baby any second and I pushed with every ounce of strength that I had left in my body. At 12:52 AM on Sunday, November 22nd 2015, Seth Nathanael Hoffman entered the world, his lungs FULL of air and, boy, did he have a pair of lungs on him. That was the first thing the nurses mentioned about him! I could not have been happier in that moment to hear a screaming, alive-and-well baby, MY baby.
The second I held Seth, I could not believe my eyes. My baby was alive! My baby that started as a prayer from the bottom of my heart was now a 8lb 10oz perfect little ball of love resting upon my chest. God, my Redeemer, had surely outdone Himself by giving me this little one as my son.
This was the Psalm that I had clung to throughout my pregnancy with Seth, and how true it has become since Seth's birth day:
P S A L M 126 (ESV) “When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’ The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”
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I want to end this blog by clarifying a couple of things:
- Although excruciating, I would probably do a natural labor again. My turn-around in healing time afterwards was incredible (in my opinion). Even though I tore and had to get stitches (again), I didn't have to sit on an ice pack for weeks while my stitches healed. In just a few days, I was walking around with ease (mostly), and I wasn't physically hindered at all during those early days of late night cluster feedings.
- Seth was so alert right off the bat! I think that had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't take any medicine to stop the pains of labor, which in turn would have gone to him while he was still in my womb. Whether you choose to get an epdiural or not, you have to listen to your body. Epidurals are not necessarily a bad thing; you may really need to get one, and that's okay!