I think to really understand how special and treasured Seth is to my husband and I, we are going to have to start at the beginning, while he was still a prayer in our hearts.
We lost our firstborn, Aaron, in October of 2014 at 35 weeks, 5 days. 3 years have gone by since then, and it's still so hard for me to write that out. I remember going to a dear friend's house just a couple of months after, and while we were sitting and chatting, having coffee, I remember telling her- with all the faith and trust as I could muster at the time- that I really wanted a "November baby". That's when Aaron was due to be born, so I wanted my next child to be born in November as well. Not for a replacement of Aaron, that will never ever happen, but for some closure in my heart. I was dogged in my prayers to the Lord to give me a baby that was going to be born in November. I prayed every day, sometimes multiple time a day, because I wanted Him to know how serious and adamant I was about this.
When I was first pregnant with Aaron, my first signs of "Gee, I feel weird, maybe I'm pregnant" were that my hips hurt SO bad, I felt like I could have snapped them in two. I was also really tired, and my body was sore in places that it usually doesn't get sore. I didn't have any of this with Seth at first, other than being really tired, but I attributed that to being at work (I do not suggest going back to work in customer service 3 months after losing a child. If you can avoid it at all, avoid it). Going back to a fast-paced customer oriented job in itself is tiring enough, but try putting on a fake mask of happiness every day and it's completely draining and wearisome. About 2 months after returning to work, my hips started to hurt again, like they did when I was pregnant with Aaron. That's when I knew that I was carrying a baby. I went home that night and took a pregnancy test and, lo and behold, my mothering instincts were right! Adam and I hugged each other so tightly and I sobbed and thanked God.
There are so many little things that happened in my pregnancy with Seth that were special to me, but if I were to write them all down, y'all would be reading this post for hours. To fully understand how I was simultaneously terrified and ecstatic during this pregnancy, you must know that Aaron's and Seth's due dates were 1 year and 4 days apart: Aaron's on November 5 2014, and Seth's on November 9 2015. So everything that I went through with Seth, I had previously gone through with Aaron just one year before. It was so odd and hard to comprehend at the time. The entire time that I was pregnant with Seth, I was an emotionally anxious basket case. I didn't want to do anything wrong because, "What if something happened to my baby?!" Thankfully, I was going to see a grief counselor regularly during this time, and that helped me let off steam that I couldn't release anywhere else. It wasn't until I passed the 35 week mark with Seth that I started to feel the anxiety subside. I had never made it longer than that with a baby alive inside of me.
Seth was due November 9, and, true to Seth fashion, he was stubborn and didn't want to come out. Here's a picture of me on his due date, so tired of waddling everywhere, and not being able to breathe or sleep in any comfortable position:
After eating probably a literal ton of pineapple and raspberries in ALL forms (tea, smoothies, on yogurt, by themselves ... ) to naturally try to induce labor, he ended up making his grand debut nearly 2 weeks after his due date.
41 weeks & 1 day here. I've never shared this photo before because I look bigger than the moon itself.
(To be continued ... Part 1 of 3)